Putting the Cards on the Table

Once of the goals I have in blogging, as I mentioned before, is to go towards consistency. I want to elaborate on that. Despite the fact that this isn't meant to be like a journal, now it's story time!

I grew up in the church. My brother and I were incredibly active in the church growing up -- we won all the awards, memorized all the verses, went to every camp, joined every Bible Study. Most everyone knew us as "the twins." Most of our friends were from the church. In Junior High, I started a Christian Apologetics website called Dolord.com (which, thankfully, no longer can be found unless you're good at digging through the archives of the internet, which I won't tell you how to do). I would debate evolution with people twice my age, and I was sure I was right. I went to a very conservative high school, where I was surrounded almost completely by conservative Christian friends.

When I went away to college, things were another story. I went to Berkeley knowing no one. One person from church, a year older than me, who I barely knew, was attending. Otherwise, absolutely no link to home. Since no one knew me, no one knew anything about my upbringing. I was free to "reestablish" myself, rethink my life, strengthen my views or abandon them. I meant to become active in a church, but I never did. I found a place and attended the main service about five times that first year. That's it for Christian influence. In its place was an extremely prevalent intellectualism, where the idea of God is laughable. That's not an exaggeration. In my Philosophy of Science class this year, any time a theory of knowledge allowed "God did it" as an explanation, it meant the death of that theory. It's simply a joke.

When I would go home on breaks, I found myself wanting to avoid certain groups of people, particularly those that knew me from church. I never abandoned my faith (never even came close), but my distaste for the Christian culture grew into almost pure cynicism. Worship services felt too fake. Messages felt too shallow. And the people I used to feel such a connection to, now felt incredibly distant. Their happiness and sureness was something I couldn't relate to (and believe me, I wanted to). But you wouldn't have known it by looking. I acted the same. I played the part well.

I played a part in Berkeley, too. People would openly mock religion, and I would nearly agree. Except to a select few people, not a word about belief in God. It scared me. Even if inwardly I was the same, outwardly I had changed.

Since those two extremes, I've tried to find a balance. I've seen plenty of friends abandon their faith completely, and I don't want that. I've also seen people willfully shelter themselves from the world we're meant to be a light to, and I don't want that either. I made a decision about a year ago that I would not divide myself or be a social chameleon to avoid confrontation. Part of that has been more practical (going to church regularly at college, speaking honestly with friends from home), but most of it has been about transparency. Openness is not easy, but it's necessary. I want both my conservative Christian and liberal atheist friends to know my beliefs. So, finally, here is a list of things which could potentially lower your opinion of me.

THINGS MY NON-CHRISTIAN FRIENDS SHOULD KNOW:
- I am a Christian. I believe in an active God and in the resurrection of Christ. I believe in the truth of the Bible.
- I am not against the Church. Even though I disapprove of many of its actions, I am a part of it.
- I do not think people in general are stupid. Even when I disagree with them, they aren't stupid. The meanness and snobbery of intellectualism is disgusting to me.

THINGS MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS SHOULD KNOW:
- I do not believe in a literal creation account from Genesis. I believe in an old earth and universe. I believe evolution may well be the mechanism used to create us; guided by an active God, not a Blind Watchmaker.
- I am moderately liberal. I voted for Obama (though not with the enthusiasm of many voters, and so far have not been particularly impressed with him). I voted against Prop 8: I believe marriage, in God's eyes, is between a man and a woman, but I don't think the government should be a tool for the church to enforce it.
- I agree with the separation of Church and State, in general.
- I drink (moderately) on occasion. I also curse on occasion. I'm not proud of these things, but they are true and I don't want to hide them.

That's it. I really didn't mean to spend this long writing tonight, but there you have it. You probably disagree with me on some of these things, and I hope in future posts to elaborate on them. In the meantime, feel free to comment.